


The Adventures in Graverobbing

by pinkjester



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gotham Cemetery, Graverobbers, Honorary Pizza Roll, Humor, I Don't Even Know, POV Outsider, Resurrected Jason Todd, Why Did I Write This?, Zombie Jason Todd, gothamites - Freeform, graverobbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 14:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30006348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkjester/pseuds/pinkjester
Summary: It was a dark cloudy night when three figures dressed in dark clothes snuck into Gotham Cemetery. They expertly evaded the patrols of the night guard with practiced ease. However, instead of going their usual route, the trio made their way to the graves of the son of the most rich people in Gotham. Jason Peter Todd.AKAGraverobbers, Rob, Kyle, and Bruce, raid Jason’s grave the night he wakes up.
Relationships: Jason Todd & Original Character(s), Original Characters & Original Characters
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	The Adventures in Graverobbing

It was a dark cloudy night when three figures dressed in dark clothes snuck into Gotham Cemetery. They expertly evaded the patrols of the night guard with practiced ease. However, instead of going their usual route, the trio made their way to the graves of the son of the most rich people in Gotham. Jason Peter Todd.

As one of them, Rob, double checked the parameters for the authorities, the other two stood before the grave, preparing their shovels to dig.

Bruce, the youngest of the trio, complained softly, “Why can’t we use Betsy for this like usual?” Betsy was their beloved piece of machinery that they used for digging up graves. She made their work quick and easy, however, she wasn’t the stealthiest and thus, wasn’t brought for this operation. 

Bruce’s older brother and roommate, Kyle, snorted, “Oh I don’t know, maybe it’s because this is a rich kid’s grave that has a lot of security and we don’t want to alert the guards, you buffoon.”

“Are you still mad because I ate the last pizza roll?”

“Hm let me think about that...” Kyle whispered. He paused, tapping his chin thoughtfully for dramatic effect before snapping, “Yes!”

Rob, their oldest brother and the most experienced of them all, appeared behind them and scolded, “Guys, shut up.”

The younger brothers jolted before having their heads sheepishly. Kyle couldn’t resist and muttered, “Tell that to the pizza roll robber.”

Rob rolled his eyes at their antics and set down his shovel. “Whatever. Just keep it down and, Bruce, watch our backs.”

The other two nodded dutifully and moved in place with Kyle and Rob above the grave by the headstone and Bruce a few feet away, keeping an eye out for any flashlights or humanoid figures. As they got to work, the only sounds after were the wind and the “Plunk!” noise of dirt being tossed aside.

After quite some time passed, the graverobbers had made excellent progress. They were almost at the coffin. Rob stepped away for a water break and switched with Bruce who dutifully started digging.

After a few moments, it began to rain. Kyle groaned and sarcastically mimicked Rob’s voice. “Let’s go out for a dig tonight. It’ll be fun, he said. No one will eat your pizza rolls, he said. Should have known that it was all lies. A lying liar who lies.”

Rob resisted the urge to throw his water bottle at the idiot. He hissed, “Oh my gosh, shut up. I’ll buy you new ones from Bruce’s share of the loot.” Kyle only grunted in response.

Satisfied that Kyle wouldn’t be making any more noise, Rob contentedly took another sip of water and watched out for people when Bruce spoke up. “I want to go home.”

Rob and Kyle glared at him and whisper-screamed, “Shut up, Bruce.” The older two exchanged glances and were in agreement. They were never bringing their idiot along again. No matter how much he begged and pleaded.

Kyle wipes the sweat from his brow and was stepping away to switch with Rob when Bruce squeaked.

“Shhhh!” They glared.

“I swear the dirt just moved,” Bruce confessed softly, holding his hands up in surrender with his shovel sticking so deep into the dirt that it could stand upright by his side. 

“It’s probably just a rat or worm. Calm down, Bruce. Keep digging,” Rob reassured, joining his brother in the pit.

Kyle said to himself, “Maybe it’s the ghost of my last pizza roll coming to haunt you.”

“I swear I will slap you when you’re in range,” Rob growled. Bruce wisely hid a grin.

Before Kyle could retort, Bruce jumped back. “That’s a whole ass hand!”

From the distance, Kyle snarkily asked, “Which is it?”

Rob rolled his eyes, exasperated. “Seriously, calm down, Bruce, graveyards can easily play tricks in your mind when it’s at night.” Bruce and his penchant for imagining things. 

“I’m not joking!”

Rob decided to humor him and glanced over. “Huh, it is a hand.”

Intrigued, Kyle joined. They stared at it for a moment. “I thought we haven’t opened the coffin yet.”

“Maybe they were cheapskates?” Bruce suggested hopefully.

“We are never watching the Walking Dead before work again,” Rob declared. Two voice chorused agreement.

Just as they were about to shrug and move on, another hand came out. It popped out of the dirt like daisy by its counterpart. The graverobbers screamed and scrambled to climb themselves out of the literal hole they got themselves into.

Panting deeply, they looked at each other for a pause before slowly turning their heads back to stare back at the partially unburied grave. They heard snuffling noises like a demon from the depths of hell and a muddy body in a suit digs itself out. The trio shakily leaped to their feet and back away slowly. “Who knew demons were so well dressed?” Bruce whispered. 

“Shut. Up.” 

“It’s not a demon, Bruce. It’s just… a corpse. That is still moving. You know like how snake bodies still move even though their heads were chopped off,” Rob tried to reason. 

Ironically, Kyle hissed, “The kid has been dead for over six months!” 

“Maybe he was a late bloomer?” 

“Guys, look out!” Bruce cried, pointing at it. The snake body -or was it zombie now? - started moving. Whatever it was, it was crawling towards them on all fours. 

By this point, the grave robbers did not care about getting caught by the cemetery’s guards. Everyone was just screaming bloody murder as the rain poured. 

The body flopped out a bloody broken hand towards them. A few droplets of blood splattered onto the terrified trio huddling together. Its mud-stained face slowly tilted up to look at them blearily. 

Hearts beating as fast as a rabbit and blood rushing in their ears, the grave robbers almost missed the body’s first words. It wheezed and groaned out “... Bruce...”

Immediately, this Bruce threw his shovel at the body and ran. “Not today, Satan!” His brothers booked it as well. Luckily for the body, the shovel missed it completely. Bruce’s hand-eye coordination was never any good and it only got worse when he was panicking.

“I told you you shouldn’t have eaten my pizza roll!” Kyle yelled as they collectively ran from the body and the career of grave robbing. Screw it! They were never coming back here or watching the Walking Dead again. Nope, they were only upstanding citizens that followed the law from now on.

**Author's Note:**

> Some time in the future, a more conscious and much cleaner Jason Todd walks into a hardware store to buy some supplies (for a body), he bumps into one of the graverobbers in the shovel section who immediately turns pale and backs away without a word.  
> Jason: ???? and moves on with his life.
> 
> Later in the break room...  
> Rob: *burst through the doors the zombie is here!!!!!  
> Kyle: the ghost of my last pizza roll strikes again!  
> Bruce the graverobber (not Batman): I'M SORRY OK?!


End file.
